whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
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