so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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