I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
