I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
