You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
