Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Randomize
