wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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