If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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