Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I could make wine with my vomit
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
