i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
time to smoke my breakfast
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
