ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
