ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
