I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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