I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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