i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
