You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Randomize
