yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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