Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Randomize
