just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
