Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Cover your peen. We're going out.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
