why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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