I think im going to throw up on grandma
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Sorry my hands just texted you
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Let's get the cat blown out
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize
