I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
