I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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