If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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