How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Randomize
