Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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