We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
