I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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