i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
