these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
