She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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