Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
