I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
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