i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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