You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
