forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
