i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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