I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
