Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
