College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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