you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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