Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
