he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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