So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
