What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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