he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
