listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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