Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
