then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
