im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Even my vagina gasped.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
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