The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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