I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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