what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
