don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
