its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
