So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
