You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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