Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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