Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
