I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
