paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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