Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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