Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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