the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
