She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
