the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
