i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
