i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
