I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
