you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
