ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
