So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
