Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
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