There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
