I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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