Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
