Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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