remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
