Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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