Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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