In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Randomize