my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
