She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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