I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I will pee on everything he values.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
