What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
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