Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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