I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I am in a vortex of obligation.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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