His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
What a dumb baby whore.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
