I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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