It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
