just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
