Four minutes until I can fart!
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I think your dad took our porno
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
