i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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