He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
