Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
