im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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