ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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