Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize