I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
