Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
