the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
